The Love of a Cat
As I sit here typing this post, my best friend and cat of 15+ years is by my side. We’ve slept in the same bed, cuddled on the couch, and “worked” side by side (and when I say “worked” in his case, I mean “napped”) for longer than I’ve been a mom or a wife. We’ve moved six times together and weathered BIG changes– like me getting married and having kids– with our relationship intact. We’ve been inseparable, and I’ve always kept a close eye on his health, especially when it comes to potential eye problems in cats.
But the cruel march of time is forcing our friendship to end… and it’s breaking my heart.
I first met Gus (short for “Asparagus,” from the musical Cats) years ago when I was a starving law student and he was an innocent, trapped behind the cold steel bars… of his cage at the animal shelter.
Looking back on those days, my life was a little lonely. I worked from 6 am-3 pm at a local TV station then made the looong journey from Seattle to Tacoma to go to law school. I was always rushing around and trying not to get fired OR kicked out of school. I needed a roomate who could deal with my long hours and give me emotional support.
My friend Mindy and her then boyfriend helped me get Gus from the Seattle Animal Shelter and even took care of him for a few days until I moved into my new apartment in Seattle. After visiting the shelter with me, Mindy STRONGLY suggested I get Gus. He was already an adult and she was concerned he’d have less of a chance of being adopted.
He was such a handsome cat, with long black fur, piercing jade eyes and a question-mark tail. I fell in love immediately. We were simpatico. I’d try to study and he’d walk all over my papers. I tried to sleep and he’d plop himself down on my stomach and wake me up. It felt good to be needed and loved in a very non-needy way. It was a blissful existence.
Then I met another Mr. Right. This one had two legs and an allergy to cats. I was VERY concerned. Would three be good company? That first day, Mr. Right sneezed and wheezed. His eyes were red and swollen. He was itchy and uncomfortable. But he stayed. And so did Gus. And somehow. Mr. Right got through his allergies, and before you could say “catnip” we were married and all happily living together.
Mr. Right would pick Gus up and take him “on tour” around the apartment to see all the things he couldn’t get to. I’d pop a dance CD into the boom box, scoop Gus up and dance with him in the window.
A move out of state followed. Mr. Right and I were both working long weird hours and one or both of us was frequently out of town. I didn’t have any friends in the jungle of LA– except Gus. Sometimes I wished he and I could go out to eat and take in a movie together. He was a loyal, loving friend and made me feel like a million bucks when I straggled in after a challenging workday.
Another big move followed… then a house, kids… the years rolled by. Now a distingushed gentleman, Gus was adept at drinking out of water glasses (instead of his water bowl), tripping me as I walked downstairs and meowing me awake when he felt I was sleeping in too far past 5 am. He was puzzled by– yet tolerant of– the children but at his essence, still very much “my” cat.
Then… maybe about 9 months ago, things started to change. Gus lost a lot of weight and we learned he had thyroid and kidney problems, which I guess are pretty common for older male cats. Always impeccably groomed, his gorgeous fur became thin and he lost interest in keeping up appearances.
He was always hungry but then didn’t want to eat whatever I gave him. Multiple trips to the vet, tests and medicines were futile. As I sat in a small gray exam room earlier this week, the vet tried to kindly tell me he wasn’t ever going to get better. To add to the mix off issues, he now had a tumor in his tummy and even if it was benign and they could remove it… these other problems would mean he either wouldn’t survive the operation or if he did, wouldn’t last long.
As the vet continued rattling off facts I felt like… well… I couldn’t think. I was stuck. What was she saying? With tears rolling down my face, I implored her, “What would you do if this was your cat?”
“It’s time,” she said.
That was four days ago. We’ve been given five days to treat Gus like a king. I made him a chicken and he’s been feasting on it and milk all week. At this point, nothing really stays down anyway and I want him to enjoy his time with us. My once big kitty of 12 pounds is down to an uncomfortably bony 5. He used to love getting “stretched” and scratched under his chin but I think it hurts him now. I try and gently stroke him on the head instead.
Countless times over the past few days, I’ve told Gus “Thank you for being such a good friend.” “You are the best cat in the world” and “I love you.” Even though I don’t think he understands my words I know he understands my heart.
Animals trust us with all they’ve got and I am feeling crushed right now by that responsibilty. Like many elderly humans, his mind is strong but his body has worn out and I, as his friend have to make “that” heartbreaking decision. Except, as a human who loves their cat and doesn’t want him to suffer, there really isn’t a choice to make.
Gus has given me a beautful gift of pure best friendship. I am already dreading coming home to a house where he doesn’t greet me at the door and I am devestated by the thought that I won’t be glimpsing his black shadow out of the corner of my eye.
I want to thank my dear Gus for his sweet and loyal friendship and I hope one day in the distant future, when my body fails and my time comes, we can be together again, loving, annoying and cuddling each other on that big couch in the sky.
My heart broke this morning reading your post. I am a cat person, mine are in their mid years, and I can’t even let my mind go to that time when they won’t be with me. All my kids are teens so I still have my fur babies to cuddle. I too married a man allergic to cats and he had to get over it (he did, they can, tired of hearing that excuse for giving up pets). Your Gus has been your best friend for a long time and I grieve for you. You will be in my prayers. Absolutely beautiful tribute to your sweet friend.
Sweet Malia, my heart hurts for you right now. I know your cat will be okay but your hurt will linger on and I hope you know I am here and thinking of you with hugs. I know the pain of loss, both pet and human and they are equally difficult to get through. Sending you love and hugs my friend. You made the right choice and all will be well. It just takes time. We all meet up later, I hope!
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Our feline friends are nothing but love and support in furry little bodies. Once you’ve made that connection, it’s so difficult to give up the devotion you’ve become so accustomed to. I have been through losing a beloved pet twice. It is not easy but I pray that God gives you the strength to get through the toughest days. Be blessed, Kathy
oh Malia, your post made me cry. sending you love & hugs hun at this difficult time!
take care,
hugs & blessings to you!
Oh, Malia….I am so sorry. Gus certainly sounds like a wonderful loving companion. You will both be in my prayers. hugs, mb
so sorry Malia! having gone through something similar with my kitty pal of 20 years a while back, i know how heart-wrenching this is. the choice is always a hard one, but sounds like the right one. i hope these last days with Gus bring you joy and peace. <3
So sorry to hear this sad news. Animals are so important in our lives. I have been there- twice this past year.
I’m sending you and Gus & your family all my love. You and Gus are so lucky to have all the times you’ve had together, as terrible as this time is now. Thankfully you are there to make his passing easier and as luxurious as possible. Hang in there. ox
I am so sorry. I know how a pet feels like a part of the family and it’s so hard to lose someone you love. My thoughts are with you.
Oh Malia, I am so sorry. This just tugs at my heartstrings and I have tears running down my face. I have been there, right where you are and I know just how you are feeling. I believe that Gus knows you love him and he can understand what you are saying when you talk to him. It is the final kindness you show him by letting him go. Big cyber hugs and prayers of comfort coming your way.
Just stumbled across your blog…so sorry about Gus. I cannot imagine my life without my Molly…hugs to you!
I’m so sorry for what you and Gus are going through!! We’ve got three amazing cats and I can’t even begin to imagine how I’d handle the situation. I think it’s great that you’ve been treating him as a king! My thoughts and prayers are with you! God bless you and Gus!
I have a female 15 year old cat, Louise. I completely understand, am so sorry.
My heart goes out to you…. we experienced a very similar situation with our cat of 16 years. It’s been a few years ago now, but we still think of her often and she is missed. Take it easy on yourself and allow time to grieve. It was very hard for us to make the decision to assist her in letting go, but it had come to her being very week, unable to eat and clearly in discomfort. It was still so hard to do, but our vet was kind and we took our time. Many prayers to you and your family.
Wow, what a wonderful tribute to your kitty. My 12 year old dog and I have a similar relationship and I can’t imagine the pain I will endure when it is his time to go. So very sorry that you are going through this!
Oh, my heart aches for you. Prayers and blessings.
I am finally getting around to reading updates on the many blogs I subscribe to. This particular one made tears come to my eyes.
We lost Tiger, our 13-year-old cat this past February. We had him since he was two-weeks-old, when we did foster care for the local animal shelter. I let each of our kids name a kitten, thus that is how Tiger got his name. He got very sick as a young kitten, with me feeding him kitten replacement, oftentimes during the middle of the night. I always equated it to more work than having a baby.
He went back to the shelter for about 5/6 hours and then I could take it no more. I kept thinking about the him being at the shelter with all those other kittens when he had been so sick. I was upset for the entire day. I finally talked to my husband and he told me to go to the shelter and get him. I got there right before they closed and took him home. Of course, I never regretted it.
He grew into a very large cat. Big and very gentle. Not a mean bone in his body. He loved my husband and loved it when he rubbed the tv remote under his chin. (!)
He too started to lose weight. We attributed it to the new addition, the feral kitten one of our daughters found at college (although that was a year ago). When we realized that it was more than losing a little weight, we brought him to the vet on a Monday. he stayed the night and we brought him home the next day, not knowing for sure what was wrong. I stayed with him during the night, bought all kinds of canned cat food and low-sodium tuna for him – just trying to get him to eat a little it. They too thought it was very possibly his kidneys, but in the end (on Friday) it was FIP and he had to be put down.
I still miss seeing his paw come out from under the door in our basement, wanting to be let up if the door has been shut by accident.
I think he knew he was dearly loved and always treated with respect and dignity.
I really thought he would be one of those cats who would live to 20.
I am sorry to hear about Gus. I am sure he is/was a wonderful cat.
Meg Nelson
Woodbury, MN
oh my dear friend i am sitting here crying — even though i can’t read the words — i just can’t bring myself to — may your little kitty fly with angels and be your little guardian angels always. i know that pain and anguish you are going through all too well. bless you all hugs…
My heart breaks for you because I was there myself 3 months ago with my 17 year old furry companion named Tiger. Tiger had the exact same story as Gus. When he started losing the weight, we did everything from medications to daily dialysis to help him. Tiger was with us through 3 moves to 2 states, our marriage, and the birth of our daughter. He provided us with constant love and support and was always there when we needed him. He was the best snuggler! He was also amazing with our newborn, always wanting to be next to her to keep her safe and letting her pull his ears and poke at his face. He was a real trooper up until the very end, when the vet told us with tears in her own eyes that it was time. We never left his side and we held him in our arms until the very end. There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t miss him and our house if definatly not the same with out him. My husband and I cried for weeks afterwards and even now we still get a little weepy at times when things remind us of him. He gave more to us than we ever, ever could have given to him and for that, I am eternally grateful.